Arranged marriages are common among Indians. I'm not going to go into the merits and demerits of it; that's not what this post is about. What I want to address is the problem with sites like shaadi.com that supposedly make it easier for Indian people to arrange these marriages. Now don't get me wrong. There are many people who have met their soul-mates through shaadi.com (and similar sites). My sister met her husband through that. But the problem with these sites is that they are not geared towards the individual. Before I elaborate, we need to talk about what arranged marriages are, and why they are arranged.
Indian people (which includes Indian-Americans and Non-resident Indians and most first and second-generation Indians) identify themselves through four different attributes. The first is the fact that they are Indian, then there is religion, then there is caste, and finally there is family. In India, a marriage is not simply a marriage. It's much more than that. It is an alliance. Indeed, you only need to go through profiles on shaadi.com to see profiles that start with "Inviting alliances from parents of good [religion], [caste] families". More than being a relationship between two people, an Indian (arranged) marriage is a relationship between two families. This is because there needs to be a proper match between those attributes that I talked about (mainly the last three). It's very uncommon in India (and for most Indian people) to marry outside their religion or caste. It is the exception, rather than the norm. Finally, a family prefers to be matched up against a similar family (there are a host of other attributes that are too many, and too complicated to go into). Now (if you're not Indian) you might be wondering why this is so. What does this have to do with the likes and dislikes of two individuals? If you asked that question, then you already have your answer. In an arranged marriage, the likes and dislikes of the individual is not paramount. It is simply another thing to consider amongst a host of other concerns. This seems very strange when you look at from a non-Indian (or Western) perspective. Marriage in the United States and most Western countries is simply between two individuals. They're the ones who live their lives together. Although their families play a part, it is not a major one, and definitely not as big as part as the one played by Indian families. Family bonds in India are very strong. This is why the parents of a boy or a girl are so hugely concerned about the family of their prospective daughter or son-in-law. Everybody needs to get along together.
Earlier I pointed out that the needs of the individual do not come first. This is not such a big deal for people from my parents' generation. Joint families were common in India even fifty years ago. However, people of my generation have grown up in nuclear families. While we still maintain our family ties and bonds, and while they are very strong, our view of the world is a little different. For us, our individual likes and needs are very important. I do not mean that we are selfish. It's just that for us, priorities are a little different. We want our prospective mate to be someone we consider attractive, and whose personality that we like. Their family details are important, but not as much to a degree as their personal details. For parents, family background, religion, and caste are the most important. Though they do want their future daughter or son-in-law to be someone that their child likes, the family details are what comes first. This is the disconnect between Indian parents and their children, when it comes to searching for a boy or a girl to marry. This is also the disconnect between sites like shaadi.com and their users.
Matrimonial sites tout the ease with which one can find their soul-mate. They highlight the numerous success stories and the large number of profiles that are visible. All of this is true. There are many people who have found their soul-mates and there are a large number of profiles. But the problem inherent to all these sites is that they are not built for individuals. These sites are exclusively geared towards families (of boys and girls) looking to connect with families (of boys and girls). Yes, you can make a profile that makes it look like it comes from you, personally, but these profiles will have a hard time attracting attention. In fact, I had a huge argument with my parents when they put up my profile. I wanted to list it as coming from myself, while they wanted to list it as coming from the parents. I couldn't understand their reasoning. I was the one looking for someone, therefore the profile had to come from me. Apparently not. It's more "respectable" for it to come from a family, and it is the family that initiates the alliance. So there it is once again: the individual vs. the family. There are many other reasons why the site simply doesn't work for people like me. Take the issue of photographs. India is a very conservative country, and families are extremely reluctant to put pictures of their daughters on a website. Couple that with the general ignorance regarding the working of the internet (they probably think anyone, anywhere on the internet can see pictures of their precious little princess), and you have a recipe for extreme paranoia. Therefore you will see a lot of profiles that simply don't have any pictures, or where you have to request pictures, or where pictures are protected. Before I am accused of being too superficial, I think people are naïve if they think that looks don't play a part. Perhaps there are people who don't really care, and I salute you. But I will admit that I am not one of them; I need to find someone physically attractive. Anyway, that's another argument. The other major issue is the issue of horoscopes. Indian families are usually very religious and can also be superstitious. Horoscopes play a huge part in the lives of many Indians; from starting on a journey, or looking for a job, all the way to getting married. Horoscopes are related to the Zodiac. I don't want to go into the specific details, but it's based on the theory that the arrangement of stars and planets at one's birth has a significant influence on their life. So when you are looking for a spouse, you need to make sure that the "horoscopes match". In many profiles you will see the following comment "Horoscope match is a must". Some families won't even consider your profile if your horoscope doesn't match with their child's horoscope. Being somewhat of a skeptic and also not being a fan of a deterministic future I find the whole thing funny, stupid, annoying, and bizarre at the same time. To be fair, not all Indian families think that horoscopes are important (my family doesn't), but a lot of them do.
In addition to the two main points I brought up above, there are other little ones. Each profile has a host of different attributes about the family. Such as financial status (Lower-middle class, middle-class, rich, very rich, I've got my own fucking jet fool!), family values (conservative, moderately conservative, liberal, very liberal) and bunch of other stuff. Oh, yes, and as far as Nairs (the caste that I belong to) are concerned, some people also write what tharavad (ancestral homestead/family) they're from. So the emerging pictures is this, and I reiterate: shaadi.com is not for a person looking for a another person. It's for a family, looking for another family; it's a problem for me, and I'm willing to wager that it's a problem for a lot of people like me (as far as how we were brought up, i.e., outside India).
Although I find the whole situation ridiculous and frustrating, I don't think there is a difference between what I want, and what my parents want. We both want the same thing: a good girl, with a stable family, who can be a part of our family. The difference is how we want to go about it, and the compromises we are willing to make. I know that it is unreasonable to expect to meet someone who is perfect in every way, but we want someone that is at least reasonably close. For my parents, the family is most important, and so they think it's alright to compromise a little bit as far as the girl is concerned (You don't like the way she looks? Looks aren't everything you know!). But for me, it's the girl first and the family second. I don't see this situation changing any time soon (for me, or for the many others in my situation). I'm hopeful that eventually I'll find someone who I'm happy with and who my family is happy with. Although I will say this: going through what I'm going now, I'm pretty sure that I don't want my children dealing with the same thing. So maybe, hopefully, things will be different within the next twenty to thirty years...
Well not much to say here, you pretty much hit the nail on the head.
*applause*
Which is why we need a NEW website. *hint* *hint*
It’s interesting how you frame this as a family versus individual issue. I was thinking along very similar lines as I studied medieval history. Your job and who you could marry and where you could live were often all determined simply by birth. Father is a stone cutter? Welcome to stone cutting, son! At first (as a 21st century Westerner) I could only see the negative in this. Then I thought about how it eliminates the pressure to find the "right career for you." There isn’t the demanding idea that your individual life and happiness are the most important thing, and that you must discover how to maximize them. Rather, you are a part of something larger – a community, town, family, religion – and you fill the role you were born for. It is simpler and cleaner.
I think arranged marriages are very similar. Going into an arranged marriage (at least, what I’ve seen from friends) means knowing that it won’t be perfect, but that you do what you have to to make it work and choose to be happy. You do it for your family as well as for yourself. In a Western, individual-centered relationship, it is expected that you search until you find the perfect someone who is your soul mate, yadda yadda. When your relationship isn’t perfect, you are disappointed and quite possibly give up to keep searching. But no one is perfect. I appreciate the Indian approach of being content and making happiness out of the life you end up with. This perspective could help Westerners a lot in our self-centered search for a person to make us happy. 🙂
@Saroj,
Haha, thanks 🙂 Yes… new website… as soon as I get off my lazy ass!
@Nicole,
That’s a very good observation. I believe "arranged marriages" or something similar were the norm during the Victorian era in England and perhaps in other European nations as well. It’s only recently in the Western world that the needs of the individual have to some extent been given greater importance than the needs of the community. I admit, I may been a little harsh and one-sided in my analysis. I do realize that in Indian marriages it’s not just you looking for someone, your whole family is out there, looking for you. While that kind of support is helpful and is appreciated, it can also be stifling. I guess (as with anything) the issue is striking a proper balance between individual needs and priorities and the needs of the family/community.
Hi Vivin,
Thank you for your feedback. We are in process of evaluating the same. Stay connected mate.
Warm Regards,
The Shaadi Team.
@The Shaadi Team,
I don’t blame you guys for designing your site the way you have; my issue was a societal one. It was mainly directed at Indian society as a whole. It’s only logical that you should design your site in a manner that caters to a majority of your users (those mainly being parents/families), and so I don’t hold you at fault. I think you guys have done a great job making it easy for those people to find who they want. But thanks for trying to address my concerns!
Vivin
Thanx Vivin 🙂
Regards,
Shaadi.com team
You hit the nail right on the head. If i blogged something about this, i would have said the same thing.
Great post…Hope all these things changes in the coming times and we would see each other beyond caste and religion…
@Dilip,
Glad to know there are people out there who feel similarly 🙂
@Aniruddha,
Thanks! Yeah, I hope that things change in the future… maybe our children’s lives will be a little bit easier 🙂
Quit demonizing Indian society just because you think you’ve found the fountain of justice in the western world. Every culture is different and has it’s own history. Instead of slandering what Indians do, ask why they do what they do and how it started….what’s the reason for horoscope, for dowry, for all the things that today western society has asked us to spit at. horoscope and dowry served the purpose of giving peace of mind to the parents who gave their daughter away to yes,…a stranger if you will, it gave them a sense of security. Today, what used to be a blanket of security, has turned into something like a business for selfish families.
Hey Hema,
Thank you for your comments. My intent wasn’t to demonize Indian society; I’m sorry if you felt that way. I agree that every culture is different and has its own history but that is not a reason to not evaluate or critique (a culture). I’m not slandering (in this case, you should accuse me of libel :). Slander is spoken) what Indians do; I’m just presenting my feelings in a certain frame of context, that being the individual vs. the family.
I don’t claim that western society is "a fountain of justice". Western society has its own shortcomings, but you also have to realize that the ideas of individual liberty and freedom are very much entrenched in western culture (especially in the United states). This is in stark contrast to Asian culture which places the emphasis on the well-being of a cultural or social group above the individual. In the words of Mr. Spock from Star Trek, "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few." Both modes of thought have their merits and shortcomings, and as with anything in life, the answer lies in striking a balance between them both.
I agree that horoscopes can give some people peace of mind. It is not necessarily something I agree with, because I don’t like the idea that things have already been decided for me, or that my destiny/future has already been written. Furthermore, because of my propensity to look at things with a skeptical and scientific eye, I find the notion of horoscopes untenable. Then again, I understand that it is a matter of faith, so to each his own.
I’m afraid that I cannot agree with you regarding dowry. It is a ridiculous, discriminatory, and outmoded practice. I simply cannot see how you can justify the custom. If you’re saying that dowry gives parents peace of mind, then what you’re essentially saying is that there is a price on "peace of mind". The idea of money changing hands during marriage, cheapens and sullies the very essence of the ceremony (in my opinion).
It is not western society that asks us to oppose certain aspects of Indian society (if you’re talking about dowry). Indian society and culture is ancient, rich and vibrant, but it is not without its faults. A culture cannot progress if its members do not constantly challenge and re-examine its attributes, and will become stagnant and irrelevant in a changing and progressive world.
Once again, I apologize if I gave you the wrong idea. I wasn’t trying to bring down Indian culture, I was simply trying to point out the clash in points of view of people like me (those who grew up outside India) and those of our parents.
If you are so sure about the silliness of the arranged marriage route, why go for it any which ways?
I am surprised that in this day and age, you are looking at a web venture for a decision that could last a lifetime. There are many marriages where people are leading desperate compromises.Please dont turn yours into one. Good luck in finding the missus. 🙂
[I know you from spelling circles in Oman and have heard abt you from ISG friends.
Following you on Twitter (rehabc)]
Hey Rehab,
I don’t think arranged marriages are silly… and it also depends on what you mean by "arranged marriage". If you mean the one where the parents set everything up and the children have no say, then yes, I would agree that it is silly. But if it’s two people who meet up (in real life, or over the Internet) and then decide to get married, then I wouldn’t really it "arranged".
I don’t think there’s anything wrong in searching for someone over the Internet, especially if your intent is a long-term commitment. This is the way I see it: I’d like my children, at the very least, know how to speak their native language and be aware of their culture and tradition. I think it would be easier to do that if my wife is from a similar background as mine. It’s easier to search through and meet a large number of potential "missuses" through the web than in real life. I wouldn’t call it a desperate measure either. I know it’s an important decision that can last a life-time and so I don’t take it lightly. I put a lot of thought into it. As far as compromises go, I think you have to be willing to make at least some. If you’re too rigid, you’re not going to get anywhere. That being said, I don’t think anyone should just "settle" either.
Thanks for the good-luck wishes 🙂
Agree!!! But these days, most of the families are also leaving it to the individuals to decide. That’s a welcome change but if the individual chooses a partner who is totatally from a different background (like language, country etc.) then it is tough to maintain the family relation. The new person will never be part of the family. Arranged (and agreed by partners) marriages address this problem very well. Nice post!!!
by the way, what is the meaning of vivin?
Heh! Finally found a person with a similar name as mine.
Nice write-up dude. But I must say, I don’t want to touch this topic with a 20 foot pole. Highly debatable.
Since you have interests in Latin art and culture. I thought might like to know (in case you didn’t) that the name "Vivin" is of Latin origin, and its meaning is "lively" 😉
@Praveen,
Yup, this is true. I think it comes out to a balance between the two, which is what it seems like these days. It is eventually up to the individuals, but the focus is also on the relationship between the two families.
@Vivin,
Haha, nice to meet you Vivin, and I’m glad you liked the topic. Yep, I’ve heard that the origin of "Vivin" is from French (and therefore, ultimately from Latin) and means "lively".
Interesting and how do I contact you if I want to know more about you?
good analysis.
Rahul
http://TechZed.com
Definitely a cultural disconnect, particularly when referring to your prospective mate as a “good girl”. Would you like it if she referred to you as a “good BOY”?
Your culture is still pretty darn sexist, and you just perpetuated some of that in your post.
Bad boy! No cookie!
@Corazon
I wouldn’t mind either being referred to as a “good boy”; I can’t see what the issue is or how “sexism” comes into it. “Good” is used as a catch-all term for someone who is well… respectable, I guess.
Another very irritating thing about Shaadi.com
Smoke? Drink? Yes or No – These days don’t include profiles that smoke ????
I don’t understand this language. English of course, but what do you mean???
Who are you to filter people on the basis of their habits???
So, somebody can be doing drugs but it is wrong if they smoke or drink????
Also this site is encouraging racism in all forms.
I also heard that because of the way shaadi.com lets you enter your profile, it is also discouraging a lot of people from meeting their match.
Don’t know why people subscribe to this site. I found several other free sites that are doing much better, and not ask you too many questions about your private life – Indian sites of course.
If people think I am degrading Indian culture, I am not. I am trying to make a point here.
My point is – Shaadi.com needs to improve the way they advertise member profiles on WWW. But they get too personal with you and indirectly promote racism and project bad view of Indian culture and society.
Agree with guy who started this blog. Good job.
Thanks vivin,
Regards,
vivaahabandhan.com
Try http://www.surreystore.com/matrimonial its free and has more features then SHaadi and bharat
@Saroj Try this matri site http://www.surreystore.com/matrimonial
Shaadi.com – the biggest rip-off online matrimonial agency in the world. Sure they have had some successes but the whole website is designed to rip you off your hard earned money. You will notice they don’t publish their success rates anywhere because I suspect it is as low as 2% or maybe 3%. So they try their best, via their website, to ensure that the remaining 97% of their visitors off their meagre savings in the false hope that they will find someone suitable to marry!
Here is an unbiased opinion, I have visited and registered with Shaadi.com on several occasions over the last 10 years so I am talking from personal experience as a single man in the U.K. who still has not found anyone even worthy of considering as a partner let alone marrying her.
Ok so lets get started with the website, it is very easy to navigate and also very user friendly. You will definitely know where to click but its like being in POP UP hell, anything useful you try to click on, is securely locked and you will get millions of popups during your vist to remind you that you are not a paid PREMIUM MEMBER so that function is unavailable to you.
At the bottom of most pages you will be shown adverts of their other website: makaan.com (for non Indians, MAKAAN means house and yes makaan.com is desperately trying to sell you property in India). Could it be that shaadi.com is NOT doing so well so they are now plugging makaan.com on the assumption that if we can’t sell them a non existent bride, lets sell them a property instead?
I am only speaking for the UK but the majority of women on Shaadi.com in the UK, are totally unmarriable. They are stuck up, snotty nosed, selfish, self centred, idiots who despite their good looks have failed to find a mate into their forties and will never find one after too. Sure some of them hold down good jobs but their parents have taught them NOTHING – not even basic cooking or in some cases even making basic Indian tea with the usual masaala! They may be good looking (hey what woman looks bad with a good hairstyle, lots of makeup and a professional photo that looks nothing like reality) but they lack modesty,humility and reality. Life has moved on they are still single in their forties, some of them never even married and yet they persist in their quest via a website in the remote hope that they will find a good looking filmstar, with lots of money and a mansion to marry them.
So how does Shaadi.com exploit these sad, rich old women, it provides a convenient avenue or website where they can coast along, in the safety of their homes, untouched by any man and doomed to remain untouched. They happily pay the fees to basically email or chat with a prospective candidate who they reject in the end anyways because no man is good enough for them. Divorced women with 3 kids on the side to keep them company are looking for young men who will marry them. Ofcourse the young men they choose are only after sex so they quickly reject them, much as they desire them. For it is only a website after all, you pay for the thrill of chatting or emailing or even phoning someone who will never be suitable for you.
Here are some points to watch out for if you are a lowlife UNPAID member that I supposedly am according to the website:
UPLOADING YOUR OWN PHOTO.
———————–
Never upload your own photo unless you want it to be there permanently, Shaadi.com will lock up any photo you upload forever and will refuse you to remove it unless you upload another one! Only paid PREMIUM MEMBERS can choose to password protect or display their photos or remove them completely. Once you have uploaded your photo as a non paying member, they will lock it to your profile forever! You cannot change your mind and remove it.
CHATTING
———
Forget about chatting with anyone who may be online whilst you are – unless you are – A FULLY PAID UP PREMIUM MEMBER. I have tested this feature by trying to chat with fully paid up women online, but no luck. Yes you BOTH HAVE TO BE PREMIUM MEMBERS before you can chat online within the website. The lonely frustrated women who have paid for membership fail to realise this anomaly, I mean if you have paid money to Shaadi.com, why can’t you chat with any member paid or unpaid?
EXPRESSING INTEREST
—————-
If you express interest in any woman on the website, you will not be able to talk to them, see their password protected photos,or even send them a single message until you have paid for – you guessed it – PREMIUM MEMBERSHIP. However to give the paid up women a cheap thrill, Shaadi.com actually allow them to send messages – one way only – to the lonely frustrated UNPAID member who has hesitatingly expressed in them. So these women DO get some value for money, they can send messages to non member men one way only.
VERIFIED PHONE NUMBER
——————–
Small glimmer of hope for the unpaid membership consisting mainly of single, divorce or never married men who refuse to pay the Shaadi membership fees. If you register your mobile number with the website, paid up Women members will be able to see your phone and email address and the Queens can then choose to email or phone you if they please. In most cases they won’t even bother to say a word to you – they will simply click on a button requesting the man to UPLOAD HIS PHOTO FIRST!. Yes these lonely old women will not even say hello to you until and unless you upload your photo on your profile first so that they can determine if you are good looking enough for them. So if you did upload your photo, aged 45 years plus you simply have NO CHANCE of catching their fancy as they are expecting to see an indian David Beckham in the photo. Message for the old women on Shaadi.com – honey have you looked in a mirror lately? Are you sure a filmstar would fancy you??
In conclusion this website has thousands of single women of all ages, who have failed to find a man through normal means and are now looking to Shaadi.com to release their pent up frustrations for a short while as they command who they talk to, email or demand photos of. The sad fact remains however that they still remain single at the end of it all. Only Shaadi.com makes money out of this venture – most people don’t gain anything from this pathetic website other than an education in life!
If any of the lonely, desperate women out there are reading this article, my message sadly is: Keep on paying your membership fees to Shaadi.com and thrilling yourself with the power to accept and reject men on the internet for you will never find a real mate (of YOUR choice) on this website, all you will end up doing is lots of typing and maybe lots of talking a load of men who you will reject in the end anyways.
Good Luck being single and like me…enjoy being single! It is far cheaper and easier to find a stunning prostitute for the night or the weekend then wasting your time and money on Shaadi.com dealing with the lonely, frustrated, psychotic women on the website.
Interesting thoughts and experiences. Points taken.
Honestly, I used to make fun of Shaadi.com but I literally know six people personally who have gotten married off of it, and they are still married. I heard an aunty say once, Shaadi.com is the only reason her daughter married a desi guy so she is very grateful for that. They have the family type parameters (astrology, family, etc) and stuff for whom it does matter, but if it doesn’t to you, you can always put “Doesn’t Matter” in the field. So I think shaadi.com can be used for both individuals and families searching. If your parents want you to put posted by parents instead of self, that’s THEIR idea…Shaadi.com doesn’t have anything to do with it. Sure you’re going to get your crazies on there, but you will in any public forum…as long as you know how to filter them out, it can be a good, efficient way of finding someone.
Mr Very Needy needs a maid who can make tea for him ! And oh yes, for free. The women on shaadi.com, with the exception of a few, are not desperate enough to want someone like you. The desperate men on the website is a sure sign of societal distress: gold diggers, charlatans, thieves, con-artists, passport seekers and so on.
Times have changed you miser and incompetent egotistic fool. Wake up and remove you profile from the websites. You will be doing women a favour.
Wow such harsh and nasty words from Another Desperate Woman above who is obviously so desperate that she has resorted to slinging outright insults with a total stranger on the internet. Is it possible that her anger is due to being rejected by Very Needy?
She warns Very Needy that times have changed but if you look hard enough in the UK, there are still lots of women who can make Indian tea even in this day and age – something that is obviously above the capabilities of Another Desperate Woman.
If she is representative of the women who frequent Shaadi.com in the UK, I would stay well clear of that site.
Sadly it seems her profile on Shaadi.com is doomed to remain there forever judging by her harsh and abusive words above. No wonder calls herself Another Desperate Woman.
@Another Desperate Woman:
This comment is for Another Desperate Woman. You are a very silly woman who has not matured and is still in infancy stage. I quote your reply: “The desperate men on the website is a sure sign of societal distress: gold diggers, charlatans, thieves, con-artists, passport seekers and so on.”
Despite all of this, Another Desperate Woman remains on the Shaadi site, insulting every man she comes across because she has a vendetta – she is desperate, lonely, frustrated and and wants revenge on all of the men who just don’t fancy her. She continues to mix with those so called “thieves and charlatan men” who reject her daily for the last 10 years on the Shaadi website!
Do yourself a favor, you pathetic excuse for an Asian woman, and just take YOUR profile off the site and remain single for what is left of your lonely, negative, hateful life. Believe me – you would be doing YOURSELF a favor.
Face the facts now, you never found a man in your twenties, you never found one in your thirties, you never found one in your forties and you certainly WILL NOT find one in your fifties and sixties if you survive that long. In short there is something about YOU that REPULSES all men. If you will excuse me, I will ask my new girlfriend from Shaadi (Godavriben) to make me some masala chaai – she is happy to make it for me unlike you. 😉
Re: What Imacker said as below
“I am only speaking for the UK but the majority of women on Shaadi.com in the UK, are totally unmarriable. They are stuck up, snotty nosed, selfish, self centred, idiots who despite their good looks have failed to find a mate into their forties and will never find one after too. Sure some of them hold down good jobs but their parents have taught them NOTHING – not even basic cooking. They may be good looking (hey what woman looks bad with a good hairstyle, lots of makeup and a professional photo that looks nothing like reality) but they lack modesty,humility and reality. Life has moved on they are still single in their forties, some of them never even married and yet they persist in their quest via a website in the remote hope that they will find a good looking filmstar, with lots of money and a mansion to marry them.”
This above opinion altho perhaps a little one sided here and there is basically fundamentally true. Many of these women were offered forced arranged marriages which is regrettable and they are right to reject them but the problem is these women have gone to the next extreme of having become egomaniacs unsuitable for marriage, having spurned or dated 100 guys and not been able to find one they wanted to marry or who wanted to marry them at same time. Often they are expecting the millionaire bollywood hunk with ten inch lun who is a great cook , they do not live in reality . it was shocking i went thru 50-60 of these types on shaadi.com (IM from the UK my experience is purely a UK shaadi.com one from late 2008 to late 2011) and it was shocking all fitted one neat box they had good jobs, lived a sex in the city type lifestyle, were more western and unyielding than western women, all loved going on girls only holidays to turkey, morroco and egypt where no doubt they slept with many waiters. of the 25 to 44 dempographic These kind of women form 80% of the bengali uk women on shaadi.com perhaps 40% of the pakistani uk women on shaadi.com and perhaps 50% of the indian uk girls on shaadi.com. Like i say there are a lot of good looking normal decent reasonable girls on there too hence why i got married there and why others have success. But there are also many girls who are victims of the perhaps 75% UK male asian population on shaadi.com who are liars, cheats and pretend to be rich. Most are freshies from bangladesh and pakistan or sleazy married men. LIke i say good and bad on shaadi.com but as a website loads and loads of members which is great which makes it number one and a great simple web layout. I think its a good website. I dont know which country the blog writer is from but perhaps his experience was a US or Indian shaadi.com experience. it isnt the UK one very few families on there just individuals . I dont know what the website was like from 2000 up to late 2008. I do know the last year even more people on there than ever before and there were a lot in 2010-2011
Gordhandas and the asshole calling himself “another desperate woman” in his comments to sidra. You two need a straightjacket or counselling for your obvious bitterness. It is you two slinging “quote outright insults”.
With attitudes like yours that all women are slags and stuck up and evil” is it any wonder you two desperate men are lonely and sitting on the net instead of having a lobotomy.
take the real view which is balanced like mine , which is there are many good and bad men and women on there and stay positive and u might get somewhere
hello, the problem in the site is that the profile pic is not uploading
Great Article, and also very true about Shaadi.com, I see there poster adds in Slough / Southall Area. You are right that its all about family rather than the Individual, however I think going fwd, there is much more Love Marriages in India, and the UK/US (Western Born South-Asians). Also many Western Born South-Asians are now quite secular so the “religion/caste” thing, is much lower, and they are Inter-Marrying at high rates, I think the US South-Asian IM Rate is +40% (higher caste/higher socio-economics, thus more open minded/secular to IM Relationships), and the UK it is +25% quite high, and probably the more Educated Lot…. (lower due to the Fact UK/Euro South Asians are more Lower/Middle class background) than US Indians.
Both Love (Individual) and Arranged Marriage have their pluses and minuses…. However I would say in an Ideal world a fusion of the 2 is best…
Latest rule for “NEW” shaadi members is – both parties have to be Premium users to read-write emails as opposed to earlier policy, where 1 Premium user could correspond with other Free members.
So, now, if a Premium member initiates contact and writes an email to a Free member, he/she can accept the connect but cannot read their message.
Note: this rule applies to New Shaadi members only
I totally agree… Even in this new age Indian families are backward in their mindset and look for same caste, horoscopes are their primary matching criteria… Some of them dont even bother to read profiles or requirements and try to contact you or spam you even if their daughters profile will not suit you… And then the reluctance to share pictures and not willing to share one even after you accept an interest… Really the whole ordeal is frustrating….
I beg to defer. Shaadi.com may restrict you to the various orthodox unwarranted categories but at the same time it also leave the option to define yourself totally upto you… Just because the wardrobe has multi boxes, labeled with discriminatory titles as fat slim average dark skin fair skin etc doesnt mean there is wrong with wardrobe. you can chose the box you see best fit you or maybe chose to not use the box at all…
but then if there is a possibility of meeting someone online who has same values or humane view of life like yourself, then why not. nobody knows which site is best or which friend’s friend will meet in a bar or cafe and things will be just like movies and happily married every after… nobody knows… its all about trying or venturing out…
I think the author has highly skewed viewpoint , if looks are not important then why do 99% of males desire for bollywood lookalikes. If girls start scrutinizing guys with the same criteria , 95% of guys will die unmarried. Next question is what decides whether you look like salman khan or a notch below it , only god can answer it . Even the modern medicine fails here , so called plastic surgeons secretly desired filmstar like looks for themselves at some point in their lives. Moderm medicine till date has no tools / very limited scope for drastically improving the looks of any person which is totally opposite to what is projected to the world.
Hi Vivin,
I found your article by a random search and I also read your replies to comments. I can relate to what you write. Let’s go out? 😉
Nidhi.
P.S.: I’m in that kind of a mood. Forgive the cheekiness.
You hit the nail on the head! everything you said is so true.