Over Here – Day 75
This is going to be a bit of a long one, with a bunch of pictures too! I’ll start off with where I left off last time. We got to Yakima on the 21st, which was a Friday. It was good seeing everyone in my section after a week and of course, they were giving me crap about having an easy time back in the barracks. The maintenance section didn’t have much going on other than Weapons Guard, it seemed, and the shifts were six hours long too. The rest of the week was pretty slow. I didn’t have much to do than updating some Excel spreadsheets, and driving around Humvees. We weren’t allowed any alcohol at all, except for three nights where the commander let us have some at the Oasis Club that’s on base. The last two days were a little hectic, with us having to pack all our stuff up, clean vehicles and equipment and turn them in. Yakima reminded me of home, because the weather was cool and dry and the area was essentially a desert. Never have I been happier to see desolation. I had been getting sick of trees.
While we were at Yakima, we were informed of a new “Leave policy”. Apparently we wouldn’t be getting any leave at all to go home, before we left for Iraq. Needless to say, we were pretty bummed out. However, things in the Army change by the minute, and so the next day we were informed that we would be getting a four-day pass, where we were authorized to go home. I booked my ticket that same night.
Once we got back to the barracks, we unloaded all our equipment. That same night, we were driven over to the airport. There, Sergeant Eagleman, PFC Silva and I first checked out the USO, but decided against staying there. We actually decided to get a hotel since it would end up being pretty cheap with the cost being split amongst the three of us. We left all our stuff at the hotel room, grabbed something to eat, and then headed out to Downtown Seattle. The first club we headed out to was closing down, so we headed to another bar across the street. We had a couple of beers, met some pretty ladies and then took the “Party Bus” back to the airport. From the airport, there was a free shuttle to the Hotel. We took an hour-long nap, and then headed to the airport to take our flight to Phoenix. I’d say about 50-60 people from our company were on that flight. The pilot even welcomed us on the plane through the intercom since they could tell we were from the Army by our distinctive haircuts.
I reached Phoenix on the morning of the 31st, and my sister was there to pick me up. It felt absolutely great to be back home. The weather was just gorgeous and it was just nice being in good old Arizona again. My dog Honey was elated to see me again, and she was going crazy with happiness. First we ran some errands, and then headed home. There, we got ready to go to Josh’s place in Tempe, so that we could all go to Mill Avenue for Halloween. I didn’t have a new costume, so I wore my Star Trek costume from last year. We met up at Josh’s had a couple of beers, and then headed over to Mill. Mill was crazy as usual, and there were some pretty neat costumes this year. One I saw, was a pretty good imitation of Johnny Depp‘s character in Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, Captain Jack Sparrow. We headed to The Tavern, where more beer and shots of Tequila were had. The night was pretty crazy, and I ended up crashing at Josh’s place. The rest of my trip in Phoenix was pretty hectic – my sister and I had to take stuff at the house our parents just bought, and then I had to run around and meet all my friends. The days went by pretty quick, and before I knew it, I had to go back to Ft. Louis. The entire trip was bittersweet, because I knew that going to Phoenix meant I would have to leave. However, it was completely worth it. I got to hang out with my family and friends and got to see Arizona one last time before I head out to Iraq. I had a really great time, and I was very happy while I was there. I want to thank everyone for showing me a great time, and showing me that I am loved and missed.
The trip back home was alright, and I spent most of the time watching the in-flight movie, and listening to music. I got back to base to be greated by really unpleasant wet, and cold weather. It was a complete letdown from the gorgeous weather in Phoenix. In fact, yesterday was the only day it didn’t rain. It rained for every single day since I got back until the day before yesterday. I’ve been bundling myself up in all sorts of cold-weather gear to get through this absolutely disgusting weather.
The training we’ve been going through for the past few days has to do with Detainee Ops. This means anything having to do with handling Detainees, such as your interaction with them in a Detainee Camp, searching detainees, Riot Control, and things of that nature. The Army has put a lot of time and money into this program to train soldiers so that another Abu Gharaib doesn’t happen. The training is pretty good, and I probably wouldn’t mind it as much if it wasn’t for this beastly cold.
The other major information that I have right now is our date of departure. I found out about this barely a few hours ago. I’m leaving on the 19th to Kuwait. We should be there for a while, and after that we’ll go to Iraq. We should be there for about a year, and then head back about the date we left, next year. Mark your calendars! I’m actually pretty excited because the sooner I get there, the sooner I can get back. I’m pretty sick of Ft. Louis (the terrible weather doesn’t make it any easier) and I just want to go downrange and get my job done. I’m not sure when we will get internet access, or access to phones and such, so I’m not sure when I will be able to contact you all again. Rest assured, I will contact you as soon as I can.
Oh yes, and I have to say this. I’ve got Mysql, PHP and Apache installed on my laptop, and I took a complete dump of my website and set it up on the laptop. So I can continue to develop even if I don’t have internet access. Woohoo! Oh yeah, and if you’re wondering about the ungodly time of the journal entry, it’s because I’m on guard duty.
This is all I have for right now. The next time I write, it will probably be from Iraq. Take care, and as always, here are some pictures. I will be adding some more to this entry since I haven’t downloaded them all from my camera yet, but this is what I have for now:
Motorpool in Yakima. The hill in the background is called Squaw Tit. No joke.
Headquarters leads the way HOOAH!
1/180th FA Roughnecks!
That’s me, holding a 240B.
The next few shots are my, ahem, “artistic” shots.
Pipedream: Clear
Pipedream: Cloudy
Pipedream: B&W
Pipedream: Sepia
Rochelle and I in downtown Seattle
L-R:Me, Nasser, Shareen, Yasmin, Keerthi
Rachna and I
L-R: Me, Sakeena, Johanna
My sister and I
Hemina and I
L-R: Josh, Loretto, Me, Daniella
Daniella and I
Loretto and I
Top L-R: Laura, Michael, Carlos
Bottom L-R: Lance, Keerthi, Me, Jenny, Andreas
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Over Here – Day 34
The past few days have been pretty easy. Once we finished MOUT training, we had about 9-10 days off before we start any new training. I was able to get a 3-day pass to fly out to LA to see my parents before they left for Oman. The timing worked out perfectly with everyone being there, including both my cousins.
I got there on the night of the 21st, at around midnight. My sister let me in, and hearing the noise my doggy Honey walked out to see who it was. She stopped because she didn’t know who I was at first. But once she recognized me, she ran out to greet me. She was rolling on the floor, jumping on me, and licking me all over. My sister told me that Honey was pretty depressed after I left Phoenix, so she was really happy to see me again.
It was fun hanging out with my family, even though the days passed by really quickly. I just sat around and chilled, and ate some nice home-cooked meals. On my last day there, we had a barbeque, which was pretty awesome too. Though I felt like my time with them was too short, it was better than nothing so I’m glad I was able to spend time with them. I left on the 24th back to Ft. Lewis. It was hard for my family to see me go again, but I did my best to put them at ease. It was pretty hard for me too – but I know that each second that goes by only brings me closer to when I can see them again.
Since I’ve been back, things have been pretty easy here. We’ve been getting time to relax and chill, so that’s pretty good. The other major development was the removal of all four of my wisdom teeth. It was a mildly unpleasant experience. The parts that sucked were the numbing (when they stick a needle into your gum, and roof of the mouth) and the part where they used to drill to cut up my lower teeth – their roots were intertwined with the teeth in front of them. Once I was done, they gave me Percocet and Ibuprofen for the pain. The combination is pretty good – makes you feel mellow and chilled out, and helps the pain. Right after I got done, I was sorta miserable because my mouth was completely numb and I was unable to swallow. As a result, the blood and saliva were pooling in my mouth. Since I wasn’t allowed to spit it out anyway (because spitting can cause dry socket), I could only let it dribble out. It was pretty gross. Once the numbness went away, I was able to swallow. Towards the middle of the day, I felt much better, and the bleeding had stopped for the most part.
I’m on quarters for 3 days, and I am also on a no-PT profile for a week. It’s kinda cool, because I get to sit around in the barracks and chill. Today I was able to sleep in, and part of that was due to the Percocet, which completely knocked me out. Other than that, nothing much is going on. But I’ve been rather pensive recently, and especially when I was travelling out to LA. Everytime I see a civilian now, I feel how I am not part of that world anymore. I feel detached and separate – a sense of “us” and “them”. I imagine how they are able to go home after work to their families. It is not a sense of regret. I should say it is more of a sense of longing. There are simple things that you miss, like some of your freedoms. The freedom to go anywhere you want, and to do anything you want. There are things that you have to give up. I have even realized how simple my needs have become. A soldier has very simple needs and wants. A good bed, a nice meal, a few words from home – these are all a soldier needs to make his/her day. These are also things that I used to take for granted, and their importance is only evident to me in times like these. Well, that’s about all I have for now. Take care.
I have updated my blog. If you are still seeing this entry, it’s due to a bug I have in my redirection. I haven’t had the time to devise a new algorithm yet. What you want to do is clear your browser cache and reload the page. It should redirect to the latest entry. The best way to know if I’ve updated my blog or not, is to take a look at the calendar. If you don’t see anything new, jump forward to the next month to be sure.
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It’s finally here
Tonight is the last light I will sleep as a civilian. Although technically I came under orders on the 26th of August, it’s only tonight that I feel, is my last night as a civilian.
Starting tomorrow, I am a full-time soldier for at least a year and a half, waking up at o-dark-thirty every morning.
I don’t think I can put into words the emotional turmoil I am feeling right now. Tonight I saw many of my friends for the last time (for about a year and half). My family has been with me for the past two weeks, and I will be seeing them for the last time (for a year and a half) tomorrow. I cannot ask for a better set of friends and family. They are the most magnificent, caring, loving people I have ever met, and I am blessed to have them.
I want you all to know I love you, and I will sorely miss you all. Thank you for all the surprises and the gifts you have given me over the past month. Thank you for all the love, laughs, and beautiful memories. Thank you for making my final month before my mission to Iraq a treasure-trove of good memories. Thank you for everything.
I will be counting the days till I get back…
I have updated my blog. If you are still seeing this entry, it’s due to a bug I have in my redirection. What you want to do is clear your browser cache and reload the page. It should redirect to the latest entry. The best way to know if I’ve updated my blog or not, is to take a look at the calendar..
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Some Hiking Pictures
A few months ago, Josh, Michael, and I went backpacking up in Payson. I took a few pictures. I’ll put them all up here… someday. But here are a few that I really liked.
Hillside Creek in the early morning
I took this one on the second (and last) day of our trip, before we started hiking back to our car (incidentally, it was a 4-mile trip, but we travelled 12 miles. That’s another story though). It was early in the morning. The morning air was fresh, clean, cool and crisp. The only thing you could hear was the chirping of the birds and the bubbling of the creek as it gushed out of the side of the hill.
Our Campfire
This is a picture of our campfire. It kept us pretty warm. Initially we couldn’t find that much wood for it. So Josh and I scavenged around for some wood. We found a few dead trees, and then we used this huge rock to break some of them into pieces that we could carry. We sat around the fire drinking beer and whisky, and simply talking. A wonderful experience.
Blue Campfire?
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Great Weekend
This past weekend was awesome. My sister and my cousins came down from California to hang out with me. However, that was only part of the reason. Their coming over was part of an elaborate scheme to throw a surprise going-away-party for me. I was originally going to leave on August 11th, but that date was pushed back to August 26th. So they were a little early, but that actually made the event all the more surprising. It was actually funny in a way.
On Friday, I was at Sadhana’s house, and I was telling her how excited I was that my family was coming over. However, truth be told, it did seem a little sudden, and I wasn’t sure why exactly they were coming over right now. I mean, it is a bit of a trip. Sadhana seemed irritated that I would ask such a question. “Maybe they just want to spend time with you!”, she said. I didn’t know why she was so irritated, but it makes sense now. She didn’t want me trying to figure things out and ruin the surprise for myself – she had been planning all this for quite a while now, collaborating with the rest of my friends and with my sister and my cousins. The other thing was when I talked to Rachna on Friday. I told her that I would be seeing her this weekend. That apparently caused her to get really flustered because she thought that I knew about the surprise party. But I just said it because my family was over and I wanted all of us to hang out. She started freaking out because she thought I anticipated the surprise party. Then there was my sister’s odd behaviour. Whenever she was talking to Sadhana on the phone, she’d walk away from me so that I couldn’t hear the conversation. It struck me as odd, but I didn’t think much of it. It gets funnier though. We all planned to have dinner on Saturday, and I expected Sadhana, Rachna, and Suraj to be there. We all get to the restaurant and I walk in. I see Nasser, Shareen, Anthony, and his girlfriend, in addition to Rachna, Suraj, Sadhana, and Vibha. They all yell “Surprise!”. So I said, “What are you yelling ‘Surprise!’ for?” I also didn’t look the least bit surprised. Then as I’m sitting down, they say “This is your going away party!”. But I respond, “I’m not going away yet”. Eventually it dawns on me that this is a surprise, and when that happened, I was really surprised!
The party was a whole lot of fun. My sister got me a lovely going away present. Over the last week, she had been hounding me for some pictures – of my family and my friends. I eventually sent them to her. She used them to make a Calendar (2006). I was really touched – I don’t think I could have got a better going away present. I know I’ll be using it to mark the days until I come back home, and while I’m doing it, I get to look at pictures of my family and my friends. Rachna told me that it almost made her cry. And it’s true – it was a very thoughtful and loving gift. Thank you Keerthikutty! Oh yes, then on Friday before I left work, Shareen started sending these odd emails out. Things like “Chocolate, Strawberry, Banana or Blueberry?” and “Blue, Orange, Green or Purple?”. I had no idea what that was about, but I responded anyway. I said “Chocolate” for the first and “Blue and Orange” for the second question. It all fell into place when I got my cake – it was a chocolate cake with Orange and Blue icing.
I was touched that everyone had put so much and effort into planning this. Rachna and Sadhana had been planning all of this, and Sadhana had been in touch with my sister and my cousins for the past few weeks. They were trying to figure out their schedules, and how to get here. Shareen and Nasser had decided on using their house for the party, but their AC broke, and so that didn’t go through. But it’s the thought that counts!
On Sunday we went and saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, which I thought was absolutely awesome. Johnny Depp made an awesome Willy Wonka (Gene Wilder did too) and he fully captured the eccentricity and weirdness of the character. Tim Burton’s direction is awesome as usual, and lends his “Burtonesque” quality to the whole movie.
SPOILER ALERT
Ok, I know that some of what I’m saying aren’t really spoilers because anyone who has read the book should know about them.
There were some really touching scenes in the movie. I remember when I first read the book, and I came across the scene where Charlie gets the Wonka Bar for his birthday. I remember the anticipation I felt as Charlie slowly opened the wrapping… and the disappointment when he found out that he didn’t win the Golden Ticket. The movie captured that really well… I felt the same way I did when I first read the book so many years ago. Another scene that I thought was really heart-breaking, was when they show the backstory for Willy Wonka. Young Willy Wonka comes back home from trick-or-treating, and his dentist father (Wilbur Wonka, played by Christopher Lee) is going through the candy. He tells his son how bad the candy is for the teeth, and despite Willy’s repeated pleas to have just one, tosses the whole basket into the fireplace. Young Willa Wonka’s expression (orthodontic headgear and all) is absolutely heart-wrenching.
I am usually nit-picky about movies that have been adapted from books, but I thought this was a pretty good adaptation. The backstory about Willy Wonka didn’t bother me too much either. All in all, a good movie.
END SPOILER ALERT
After the movie, we went back home and chilled for a bit. After Michael got back home, all of us went grocery shopping and bought the ingredients to make some Mexican Food. We also bought fresh pineapples to make some piñacoladas. Josh came over as well, and we all started working together on making dinner. The dinner we made was delicious! We made Tacos and Taquitos which we ate with salsa, guacamole, and mexican rice. Oh yeah, and piñacoladas with fresh pineapples! After dinner, we sat around and talked for a while. I brought down both of Michael’s guitars, and he also brought down my keyboard. We jammed for a bit with Dipu Cheta and Michael on the guitar, Prem on the percussion set on my keyboard, and with me singing. Good fun!
The next morning my cousins and my sister headed out. Dipu Cheta flew back to San Francisco, and Keerthi and Prem began their long drive back to Los Angeles. I had a whole lot of fun this last weekend. It’s the best I’ve had in a while!
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You Can Start Looking Now
I know I haven’t posted in a while. That’s mainly because I’ve been busy and lazy – an interesting combination. I was having my military training over the past two weeks, so I really didn’t have time to update my journal. In addition, my DSL service is being really flaky. I’m dropping connection and then my modem refuses to retrain. I’m talking to Qwest right now. I’m pretty sure it’s their fault. Hopefully they’ll fix it.
Anyway, so I had a few conversations with my parents over the past few weeks, and the subject was marriage. No, it wasn’t something like “Son, we need to find you a girl now.” It was more like “Hey, you can start looking now if you want”. I talked about this a little bit sometime ago, and I was thinking of talking to my parents about it as well. Truth be told, I guess I’m not averse to “settling down”. The fact of the matter is that I would really like some female companionship of a serious and lasting nature in my life right now. Merely dating wouldn’t do that for me. It used to bother me that I never really dated anyone during my college years. But in retrospect, I’m glad I didn’t. I can totally see myself neglecting my academics. Also, the fact that I had no woman, meant that I wouldn’t be spending any time with her. Which meant that I had time to pursue my nerdy pursuits. Which in turn led to me picking up some really useful skills, and accomplishing some really neat things which finally led to an internship, and then, a job at Intel. So in the end, it’s not all that bad.
Actually my parents weren’t the first people to tell me that I could start looking. It was my aunt. I was in California over the 4th of July weekend, and my aunt said that my cousin and I should “start looking” now so that we “could get married when the time comes”. I thought it was a little funny, and actually I didn’t find her idea that far-fetched. I have been sort of “pseudo-looking” – I just haven’t found anyone. So I half-jokingly tell this to my parents and they said “Oh yeah, you should start looking!” So then I decided to see what my options were. Of course, they would ideally want me to marry a Hindu, Nair, Malayalee girl. But what about a girl from another culture? A Tamilian girl perhaps? I asked them. Their response was measured, and I guess, cautious. My father only told me that it may work out initially but that difficulties could arise once children came into the picture, or possibly, even before that, and that there are greater risks. So I’m not sure if they meant it was ok or not ok for me to look for girls from another culture. My parents have never really talked to me that much about marriage, and so I was really happy to see how open-minded they were about the issue. To those who might be thinking that this has the makings of an arranged marriage, it really doesn’t. First of all, they aren’t the ones looking for a girl – they’ve left it up to me. Although, I do know that if they come across a girl they think I might like, they may recommend I get in touch with her. I don’t see that as bad either, since it’s like my parents are hooking me up. The funny part was when my father told me to put myself up on Kerala Matrimonials. He said “Oh, it’s just like a dating service!” I thought that was funny. I don’t think I’m ready for that yet though…
I’m keeping an open mind and also keeping my options open. I guess if I try and concentrate too much on one particular goal, it may close out other possibilities. If I need to find a nice Nair girl, it’s harder for me, because there are very few Malayalees in Arizona. But I hear there are many in California and Texas. Oh well. I don’t think I’ll actively go around looking, but I’ll keep my eyes and ears open. At any rate, there’s no point in looking now, because I’m going to be in Iraq for a year. Now what are the odds of meeting a Hindu, Nair, Malayalee girl there? I’d laugh if I met one – in the Army nonetheless!
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It’s hard to talk about this
I put off writing about this for a long time. Mainly because I didn’t want to think about it, and also because I wasn’t sure what I would really say.
My grandmother passed away last week. She was 72 years old. She was on life-support for a few days, but eventually she passed away – peacefully.
When I first found out, I didn’t feel anything. I don’t think I understood (and I still don’t completely) that she was gone. She had always been there for as long as I remember. I looked forward with anticipation every year to the day when the summer vacation started. That was when we would leave to go to my home town.
Some of my earliest memories of her, are of her teaching me different mantras and nāmams. Every evening, during the evening prayers, she would teach me one. Then in the morning, she would make me recite it to her. That summer I learnt a whole bunch of them. Sadly, I do not remember many of them now.
A few days ago, I sat down to eat dinner. I reached into my cupboard to take out a jar of dried mangoes. As I looked at it, tears welled up in my eyes. My grandma had made that for me. Dried mangoes are my favourite. Every time I’d come to India, she’d make sure she made some from that year’s crop of mangoes – these were made from mangoes that grew in our house. When she grew older and could no longer make them on her own, she had our house-maid make them, but she would supervise the entire process. I think that’s when I realized that she was truly gone. A little thing like that jar is what finally made me realize. But I know it is going to be harder for me when I go to India again… when I see her room… the pūja room…
The consolation is that she passed away peacefully, with my grand-dad, my dad, my mom, and my aunt by her side.
Whatever it is, she is in a better place now. And even if she isn’t here in this world now, she will live forever in our hearts and minds.
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The Subject is Irrelevant
Sometimes I think that I know all there is to know about certain people who are very close to me. I even trust them implicitly. Then something comes along and blows it all apart. It took me about a year and a half to come to this decision. I didn’t realize how hurt I was until today, when I came to know more about the situation. It was pointed out to me that I was being resentful. I hadn’t realized that. I was going to try and mend things. I figured I could try my best – because I still have fond memories of an old friendship.
This was a person I trusted completely, and who was very close to me. Things changed – for the worse. I saw a side of this person that I never knew, existed. I was hurt. Even still, I figured that maybe there was something worth salvaging.
But then I found out something new. Something I had always suspected. Something that hid in the dark corners of my mind, that I didn’t consciously want to confront. Something I never really verified, or tried to verify. Until now. It’s a betrayal of trust that runs too deep. Some might say I am being inflexible. I don’t think so. A friend you cannot trust, is no friend at all.
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Thoughts
So this whole “going to war” thing is a huge deal. Obviously. There are many reasons why I don’t want to go, and then there are reasons that I must. But anyway, that is not the point. Sometimes I think that getting away from here for about a year would be good. An escape? I don’t know. It feels like it sometimes. But I prefer the euphemistic term “welcome reprieve”. I like to think that things may change when I get back…
I find myself seriously questioning certain facets of my life. First, am I happy? I guess I am… but it would be more accurate to say that I am mostly content. My job is a pleasure – I do what I enjoy doing most – writing code. But at other times I feel seriously apathetic about my life. I mean, I go to work from 8 to 5. I pick up my dog, Honey, from Sadhana’s home (I am really thankful to her family for taking care of her), I spend maybe half an hour there with her parents and grandma, and of course, Juju and Nimbus. After that, I come back home. I check my mail (real mail), pay bills, have dinner, write some of my own code, and then I head to bed. That’s it. That’s my day… how boring.
I sometimes want to go back to being in College. Each day was different. But then again, when I was in college, I wanted the stability of a normal job. I guess the grass is greener on the other side. My friends are still here, but of course, they have their own lives and the things that they need to do. My family is here and I do talk to them on occasion (although I should call my mom and dad much more frequently). They’re always there for me and I have never felt neglected by them.
I guess things changed a lot when I graduated. When I was in school, there was always someone I could interact with on a regular basis. Now that’s not there. It’s much harder for me to interact with any of my friends because I don’t see them that much. I guess what I am saying is that I feel pretty lonely at times. In response to that most of my friends might be saying “get a girlfriend” and some might even say “go get married now”. As far as the second one goes, please, I am only 23. The first one? Well. I am picky. Not that there is a serious lack of women to go around, but the fact is that I am picky about who I want to be with. No, I’m not on the look out for “that special someone” and I don’t believe that there is any one person with whom I am compatible. I’m sure there’s a whole range. But of course, that set, when intersected with the ones that my parents would find compatible, leaves a much smaller set. But still, it’s one that can be worked with.
So now you might be saying “so what? just date someone for fun!”. Can’t do that. I consider it a waste of time. “WTF?!”, you say. Well.., let’s say I date a girl… I go out with her… and then what? Eventually there comes a point when I have to break it off because I can’t make the committment. I am going into the relationship without the intent of ever making one, so logically, what is the point? I guess it would be different if it was mutually agreed upon that there wouldn’t be a committment, but that is rarely the case. So in that sense, am I looking for someone with whom I can have a long-term committment? Yes. With can being the operative word. That word has a lot of import. I have to think about what my parents want as well. They would want me to marry a nice, Malayalee, Hindu, Nair girl. I am not averse to that at all. In fact, that’s what I would like ideally, because then my parents and I are in total agreement. Some of my friends say that I am closing out a lot of options if I think of it that way. Yes, that’s true. I am aware that as an individual there are definitely women who I am compatible with, but aren’t any of the things that my parents want (for me). Therein lies the problem.
An Indian Marriage isn’t just the union of two individuals. It is the union and alliance of two families. In that sense, I can understand the cultural isolation that my wife could feel in the presence of my family, and vice-versa. And also the awkwardness and lack of any common ground when both families meet. But then again, there are cross-cultural marriages that do work, and work well. So I guess I am saying is that I don’t want to go through the trouble of it all. Which in a sense might be chickening out. I myself am not sure what it is. There are certain things I want, and I think I might have them better if I were to be with a woman who is aligned as closely to me as possible. For example, I consider my culture very important. My customs and traditions are very important to me. This is something I would like to pass on to my children. And this isn’t because of some misplaced sense of pride or superiority. No. I consider culture and tradition to be something that has evolved over a period of so many generations and so many hundreds of years. Something built upon the traditions and observances of the generations that have passed. I feel I should try and preserve as much of that as possible. Otherwise, something precious will be lost. I might be able to make it work with a girl from a different culture – something that is still close to mine – a girl from Tamil Nadu for example. Tamilians and Malayalees have reasonably similar languages and customs. But even still, between these two similar cultures, there are a vast number of differences… and with differences, arises the possibility of conflict (but isn’t there conflict in any marriage?). What if she is as concerned about her culture as I am of mine? What would the children learn? Would they be confused? Would it be cause for conflict between she and I? Almost always, one side has to give way. The children end up knowing one side better than the other. Is that a problem? I don’t know. When I was younger, and therefore more idealistic and naïve, I thought I could easily make it all work, and it didn’t matter who I married. Somewhere along the way I realized that real life isn’t so simple.
I guess my dilemma right now is that I don’t know if I’m limiting my options too much. I can’t say. Most of my friends have someone special. Sometimes I find it hard being around them sometimes because I feel that I’ve missed out on that aspect of life. It would certainly alleviate a lot of the loneliness that I feel… But then again, I’m only 23… a lot can happen in the next few years.
So… am I being too picky? God knows… but that’s also why I think it may be nice to get away from all of this for a while… get everything in order.
I can’t believe I wrote all this crap on a public website for the world to see. Someday I am going to read this and laugh… or regret writing it… or possibly both. Is there such a thing as a regretful laugh?
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Cinco de Mayo
Yesterday was Cinco de Mayo. I went down to Tempe and met up with Josh, Suhrid and Lance. We paid the $5 cover charge to get into Macayo’s and walked around and had a couple of beers. Well, Josh, Lance, and I did. We pretty much just hung around the patio and checked out the hotties (there were more than enough to go around). After that we met up with Sakeena, Marcella and April and just hung out at the parking lot. There was a local band playing, and they did some pretty decent covers of some cool songs. I had a couple of Margaritas and by the time I was done, I was… well… drunk. We then went over to Fatburger where we got something to eat. I wasn’t sober enough to drive, so I decided I would just sleep in my car until I was. Suhrid drove Josh and I over to the parking lot. Oh yeah, before that. On our way there we saw these girls who were wearing pretty much next to nothing. Bikini’s and g-strings and… wow… yeah. They were standing outside McDuffy’s I think… or maybe it was Margarita Rocks. I can’t remember. Anyway, I got to my car and slept there for an hour and a half. I was sober after that and drove home. But I’m really hungover this morning… getting too old for this… not in college anymore…
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